“Some things die and some things have to be killed,” Carl, a transitioning senior leader, said in a recent coaching call. No need to call the cops, the guy was reading a quote from a book he had just finished, “Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships that All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward.” (A great read for transitioning service members.)

“Everyone always says you will know when it is time to go,” Carl continued. “I know in my head this is probably the ‘necessary ending’ to my career. Yeah, it can limp along for a few more years, but I don’t really want that. I know I am going to have to kill it. But knowing and doing are two different things. Why is this so hard?”

Why Is Ending a Military Career So Hard?

As the transition master coach for Military.com’s Veteran Employment Project, I’ve seen thousands of service members just like Carl struggle with the ending of their careers. Whether they are getting out with only a year or two of service after an injury, or they are retiring from the military after 20, 30 or 40 years, the ending is always hard. Sometimes it is even a professional heartbreak.

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Make the ending of your military career a little less hard by learning how to translate your military skills for a civilian audience. Sign up for our free master class, “Translation Lab: How to Translate Your Military Experience for a Civilian Audience.” 

As author Henry Cloud discusses in his excellent book, getting to the next level in one’s career, business or life always requires ending something, leaving it behind and moving on. Endings are natural; they are, in fact, necessary. It is one of those truths we like to conceal from ourselves, especially when we have invested a lot of our time and resources into something like a military career.

Eventually, though, we must admit when more effort will not bring about a different result. More effort will not repair a torn rotator cuff. More effort will not make your name appear on a promotion list. More effort will not make services magically appear for your kid in an overseas location. More effort does not turn back the hands of time.

In the military, you have to make the end come. Identifying what factors are keeping you stuck can help you move forward. Here is a list of factors collected from transitioning military members. Check off the factors that are making the ending hard for you.

32 Reasons Military Members Say Ending Their Career Is Hard

1. I don’t know how I am going to support myself and my family.
2. I don’t know what I want to do when I get out.
3. I am not at all interested in the jobs I’ve heard about.
4. My boss, friends and-or first sergeant is telling me to stay in.
5. My spouse, partner and-or kids want me to get out.
6. My partner says they will leave me if I do not get out.
7. I am not sure whether the missed promotion is a blip or a clear, persistent alarm bell.
8. I could get promoted the next time if only I would stay.
9. I don’t know how veteran hiring will change this year or whether it is safer to just serve another tour.
10. I am unsure what is happening with the economy and artificial intelligence (AI). Even civilians and federal workers have been laid off.
11. I am worried about disappointing a current boss or mentor.
12. I don’t want to leave the group.
13. I don’t want to take off the uniform forever.
14. I dread the sadness and pain that come with an ending.
15. I am worried I don’t have the skills to get a different job.
16. I don’t know how other people get jobs. It seems mysterious.
17. I wish they would push me out so I don’t have to decide.
18. If I don’t look for the ending, I’m hoping it won’t come looking for me.
19. This ending is forced on me. I don’t know how to process it.
20. This ending is happening to me alone.
21. The group will go on without me.
22. I’m afraid of making mistakes.
23. I’m anxious about being one of the people who has a bad transition.
24. I’m terrified it will take a long time to get a job.
25. I’m troubled that the only job I can find won’t be a good job or that I will be ashamed to tell people what I do.
26. I’m afraid I won’t get another chance at leadership.
27. People I admire told me they wished they had stayed until 20 years.
28. People I admire swore they should have left the military sooner.
29. I do not want to network.
30. I don’t like the job I have in the military, but it’s not that bad, is it?
31. Leaving feels like failure.
32. The voice in my head says, “Winners never quit. Quitters never win. Winners never quit. Quitters never win.”

Did you check off only a factor or two? Or did you check off nearly every factor that makes an ending hard? Carl checked off about half of the items on this list.

If you are struggling, I will tell you what I told him. First, have a little patience with yourself. Changes this big on something this meaningful will take time. Things do become clearer.

Next, ask yourself the clarifying question: Am I willing to deploy or move again for this job? It is wonderful how things fall into place.

Finally, picture a flawless ignition. Imagine that everything unknown is known. Imagine immense support. Imagine everything goes your way. Then get in touch with a career coach like me to put the steps in place to get where you want to be now.

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Whether you want to polish your resume, find veteran job fairs in your area or connect with employers looking to hire veterans, Military.com can help. Subscribe to Military.com to have job postings, guides and advice, and more delivered directly to your inbox.

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