It is a truth universally acknowledged that everybody hates you when you are 23. (Doubters, please consult Blink-182’s “What’s My Age Again?”) However, if you are a military member retiring after 20+ years of service, you might suspect that nobody likes you when you are 43 or 53, either.

Why? Because at these two stages of your life, you only understand enough about civilian work to be dangerous and dissatisfied — and you don’t even know it.

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Everybody Hates You at Work When You Are 23

I was reminded of this fact when a young civilian job seeker made an appointment with me for career coaching. She had her checklist resume. She prepared for the interview. She told me she was excited about the future. All good.

Then she said she was 23 and looking for a job after only one year with her current company. Oh. No.

• She is convinced her boss is not interested in promoting her career or providing her team with the tools they require. (True.)
• She notes that in her office, “everyone seems so miserable” (Again, true.)
• She says there is not enough sunlight in her town and that they are raising her rent by $200. (Gospel truth!)
• She thinks I can give her a magic negotiation technique. “How can I say, ‘Please pay me enough to live.'” (Almost.)

I know you probably expect me to rant about how Generation Z is so entitled and how I hate them. I won’t, mostly because it is not true. All you first sergeants, department heads and top veteran employers know this kind of job dissatisfaction is not about being a Gen Z’er or a Millennial or a Gen X’er or even a Boomer. This is the problem of being 23 (and, if you are a retiring military member, 43).

The Biggest Change on the Civilian Job

Everyone hates you — or seems like they hate you — because you are going through a sea change. The growth required of you is so big, your blood type ought to change when you are 23. Your eyes ought to change color. You should be surrounded by a banana-scented mist so that everyone knows that nothing around you makes sense.

Why? Because at this stage, you are using your understanding of your past life and past experiences to make sense of your new life. This never, ever works — not even for veterans. This is the reason most job listings for entry-level positions require three years of experience. No one wants to witness you on this painful learning curve or smell all those bananas.

To help you out, I’ve thought of the five truths you can adopt that will reduce the hate aimed in your general direction.

1. Understand Why You Need Another Year

One of the great advantages of military life is that your orders keep you in place when you are 23. You can’t run away after the first year, because you think everyone is miserable. Or that you would be a whole lot happier with a four-hour workweek. Or stationed in Key West, Florida, drinking banana daiquiris.

You might legit want to quit your job. Unless the boss is certifiably toxic, you probably need to stick with that first job for another year. That way, you can eventually learn the essential lesson of the first job: You have no idea what is really going on.

Stay and figure it out. Otherwise, you will have to learn the same lesson at your next job.

2. Everybody in the Office Is (Temporarily) Miserable

It is 2025. Everybody at work everywhere seems kind of miserable. There is a lot going on in the world. Google “stock portfolio” or “federal employment” or  “Ozempic face.”  Be the change you want to see in the world.  And remember, a 12-layer coconut cake can solve a world of problems. Plus a sunlamp.

3. Your Boss Does Not Have a Succession Plan for You — Yet

No matter what they told you in the Transition Assistance Program (TAP), you were hired to learn and perform the job you have. Your boss does not have a succession plan for you, because what they really need is for you to get your job done. Despite what you have heard, most Gen Z workers are not mentored. In fact, reverse mentoring is probably the better strategy to make yourself essential. Military retirees, this is your moment to call a career coach and work out a strategy.

4. You Are Not Doing Your Job as Competently as You Think You Are 

If you have been at your current job less than a year, you have only been through the four seasons on the job once. You have not had a chance to see what really needs to be done, what areas of opportunity exist, what pain points the company is experiencing. Ask about what is the work that your boss values most — not the work you value most.

5. Meaningful Work Is Something You Make, Not Something You Are Hired to Do

At the three-month mark, almost every job seems like a great big mistake. It is not magical. You do not skip on your way to swipe your badge. Instead, meaningful work is something you make. It is a 21^st-century skill set you have not learned yet. Sign up for our free master class.  

I have seen enough workers struggle in their first year at a civilian job. I look at it as a good thing. The struggle means that you have left the newbie stage and that you are in the learning stage. Things really do get better from here. You just have to stick it out and keep growing.

Find the Right Veteran Job

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