One of the guns I simply have to get at some point is a Walther PPK. I don’t actually feel like I need a .380 or anything, I just want one because it’s what James Bond carried through most of the series, after he gave up his Beretta 418. 

To say that James Bond is synonymous with that pistol is to put it mildly, and as someone who loves the character of James Bond, how could I not want one?

And while Hollywood is pretty anti-gun, they usually don’t blink about working with firearms in as many movies as they can.

Now, though, one actor, Alexander Skarsgard, who would love the Bond role, wants his version to be the lamest version of James Bond ever.

The 48-year-old actor, known for his roles in True Blood and Big Little Lies, is keen on taking on the iconic spy role, but with a surprising twist: no violence, just diplomacy. He pitched the idea of a “very polite” Swedish Bond, navigating high-stakes situations in boardrooms rather than battlefields.

Speaking to The Times, Skarsgard opened up about his unique take on the beloved character, saying, “I could be a very polite, diplomatic Swedish James Bond, who negotiates. There’ll be no violence at all. It’ll just be boardroom meetings where people try to find consensus, everyone’s stressed out and desperately tries to avoid an argument or complications. That’s very Swedish. I’ll pitch it!”

It’s a bold pitch, considering the traditionally action-heavy franchise. But Skarsgard’s vision reflects his own background. He undertook national service in Sweden as a teenager, in part because he admired the suave, cool-headed nature of James Bond. “I did it because I was 19, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I wanted to be James Bond for 18 months,” he shared. While it’s clear that his take on 007 would be radically different, it’s a fun concept that plays on the character’s famed ability to stay calm under pressure.

No, it’s not a fun concept.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea of someone doing all of this could make a great movie, maybe even a franchise, but it’s not James Bond. It’s not what Bond fans love about the franchise.

See, I know good and well that spy work is nothing like James Bond, though Ian Fleming also knew that when he wrote the books. If you’re involved in car chases and gunfights, you’ve screwed up by the numbers in the espionage game.

However, that’s a good chunk of what’s made Bond so compelling to generations. It’s an action franchise that has all of the things young men crave. Action, adventure, the hero thwarting the forces of evil, beautiful women, and just enough of a middle finger to authority to be compelling but not enough to make him insufferable.

Nothing I’m seeing here, though, gives me a good reason why Skarsgard, whose work I’ve enjoyed, would take this approach. Were we looking at a far more realistic Bond, I might be open to it, but that’s not what he’s talking about.

Instead, it feels more like anti-gun-driven animosity toward firearms, even in cases where anti-gunners would be hard-pressed to argue against a firearm being warranted.

007 has a license to kill. That’s not a reference to being well-dressed or smooth with the ladies, though that’s apparently off the table with Skarsgard, too.

Honestly, this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard for a movie, and I remember the live-action Snow White.

Like I said, I’ve liked some of Skarsgard’s work, but I pray he doesn’t get his way.