Dive watches are an odd category of equipment. In the modern era, they’re pretty much obsolete for scuba diving. Sure, they’ll still do what they always did and allow you to manually calculate decompression stops. But realistically, divers just don’t use them anymore. Computers are better, safer, and easier.

But that doesn’t stop watch enthusiasts from placing them on a high, often very expensive, pedestal. And thus, the term “desk diver” was born. Designed for deep seas, the desk diver never gets anywhere near salt water. Think of the term as watch parlance for “pavement princess” in the off-roading world.

Direct-to-consumer Anglo-Swiss watch manufacturer Christopher Ward and artist and watch designer seconde/seconde/ saw this glaring elephant in the room and pointed right at it. Cue the hilarity.

Christopher Ward Desk Diver: A Sarcastic Timer for the 2020s

Let’s face it; modern life offers a lot more risk of dopamine toxicity than of nitrogen narcosis. And you’ll much more likely recharge with a power nap than a surface interval.

The Christopher Ward Desk Diver offers all the timekeeping a modern office drone requires. The bezel replaces the ubiquitous numerals and hash marks with more snarky reminders of the modern era.

The words “dopamine toxicity” counter “faith in humanity” on one side of the bezel. “Say hi” on the next 3-hour block bookends “power nap” with “say bye.” Of course, there are allotted times for other office activities like “office politics” and “doomscrolling.”

“The irony is, I qualify as a desk diver myself … Daydreaming is my first occupation. Watches have the unique ability to transport the wearer from the banal to the exceptional. When you put on a dress watch, boom, you’re surrounded by Art Deco furniture and Carrare Marble. When wearing an Explorer, you feel like you are scaling Mt. Everest,” the artist Romaric André (who goes by / seconde/seconde/) said. “Reversing this trajectory and taking you back into hard-core-norm-core felt like the obvious next step.”

It’s a clever nod to the modern work-life era. And as a limited edition of just 500 units, I imagine this one will sell out fast.

The Details

Seconde/seconde/ noted that Christopher Ward put no boundaries on creativity.

Based on the C65 Aquitaine and made from 316L stainless steel, the C65 Desk Diver is pressure tested to 200 “reams of paper” (200 m). The office-oriented jokes go on in the specs department. It has a case height of “12.45 paper clips” (12.45mm) and a lug-to-lug of “46.68 paper clips” (46.68mm).

“Powered by the wearer’s coffee shakes, the Sellita SW200-1 automatic movement provides an accuracy of +/-20 seconds per day, which is perfect for ensuring that you are in the office from 9 to 5,” the brand stated.

The C65 Desk Diver is available on a Black Tropic Rubber Strap for $1,195 or the three-link Bader Bracelet for $1,395.

As a well-deserved bonus, each Desk Diver comes with a Delugs yellow rubber strap included in the price. Also included in the custom box are all the essential tools to keep the office ticking as you watch the hours tick by: CW/SS-branded pencils, paper clips, Post-it notes, highlighters, and board pins.

So, if the closest your dive watch will get to a scuba tank is the water bubbler in the office, this creative timepiece should be at the top of your list.